Umm I'm too high to move.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
