I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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