There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
