Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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