You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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