Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
