I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
