1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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