She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
