I can text with my tongue
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
