I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
