I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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