Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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