We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
