Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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