did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yo dont text me then not text me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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