not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
