How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it's like iHOP with fire
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
