alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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