OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You're a waste of cheezeits
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
