he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
