Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
