Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
