covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
