The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
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I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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