Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
