made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
