wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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