just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
thus making me awesome and them whores
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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