You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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