I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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