omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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