i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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