I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
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Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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