A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
