return my video game
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
