if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
