I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I have post one night stand depression
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
