It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
