Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
