Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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