yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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