He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think your dad took our porno
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
