Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Someone signed my nipple.
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