I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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