I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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