I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
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Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize