Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
only you would photoshop your dick
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
