Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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