I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Floor bacon is actually really good
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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