Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Randomize
