My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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