then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
