Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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