I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
