I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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