My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
