he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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