i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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