It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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