i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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