Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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