i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
