come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
