I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
