I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
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I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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