so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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