you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
