I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
