I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
