We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
