My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
