I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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