you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That reminds me...we need to get swords
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize
