People in love make me want to vomit
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
